Janet Jackson’s Breasts Will Not Cost Half a Million Dollars
Forget gay marriage! The legal decision the true scholars of the world have been feverishly anticipating has finally been delivered: America’s Supreme Court will not force the CBS television network to pay the $550,000 fine it was initially served following the ‘wardrobe malfunction’ involving Janet Jackson and Justin Timberlake during their 2004 Superbowl performance.
CBS was fined for ‘vulgarity’ after Timberlake tore off Jackson’s corset mid performance and accidentally exposed her nipple. Oh, how naïve and prudish we were back then to consider this vulgar. In the 2012 landscape of Jersey and Geordie Shore, a simple nipple slip is now considered Sesame Street stuff.
Surely central to the CBS argument against the fine was that Janet Jackson’s body contains more plastic than Malibu Barbie, so can’t really constitute as showing human flesh.
This was a true pop-culture moment though, from the birth of the term ‘wardrobe malfunction’ to allegations the entire incident was a publicity stunt. It was a beautifully meaningless event that will cause future generations to scratch their heads at us when they read about it in the pop-culture section of history textbooks.
What’s quite unbelievable is that it took an entire eight years to sort the legal situation out.
Instead of clogging the Supreme Court with such issues such as these, perhaps we should think about inventing an International Court of Inane Shit (ICIS) to investigate these matters.
Chaired by Roseanne Barr, ICIS would be loved by pop-culture addicts worldwide. Perhaps so well loved that it gets it’s own reality show. But is caught in a compromising position with The International Criminal Court. Where it must then investigate itself. My head hurts…